One minute your toddler is happily playing. The next, they’re on the floor screaming because their banana broke in half. If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Tantrums are one of the most common parts of the toddler years, and they’re a normal stage of development, not a sign that you’re doing something wrong.
This guide explains why tantrums happen, how to make them less frequent, and what to do when one starts.
This article is general information, not medical advice. If you’re worried about your child’s behavior, talk to your pediatrician, GP or health visitor.
Key takeaways
- Tantrums usually start around 18 months and are far less common by age 4.
- Tiredness, hunger and frustration are the most common triggers.
- In the moment: keep your child safe, stay calm and don’t give in.
- Name the feeling, then set a limit on the behavior.
- Avoid spanking and yelling. They make behavior worse over time.
Why do toddlers have tantrums?
Toddlers have big feelings and not many ways to express them yet. They want to be independent and do things their way, but they don’t have the words, patience or self-control to cope when things don’t go to plan. That frustration comes out as crying, screaming, kicking or flopping on the floor.
Common triggers include:
- Being tired or hungry
- Frustration at not being able to do something, or not being understood
- Wanting something they can’t have, or being told to stop doing something fun
- Big changes or transitions, like leaving the park or a new sibling
- Wanting attention
Some children simply have more tantrums than others. Temperament plays a big part, so a tantrum-prone child doesn’t mean you aren’t giving them enough attention.
At what age do tantrums start and stop?
According to the NHS, tantrums usually start at around 18 months. The AAP says they’re most common between ages 1 and 3. They tend to get less frequent as children learn to talk and explain what they want, and by age 4 they’re far less common.
How to prevent tantrums (or at least have fewer)
You won’t prevent every tantrum, and you don’t need to. But these strategies can make them less frequent and less intense:
- Watch for the usual triggers. Keep to regular naps and mealtimes, and carry a healthy snack when you’re out.
- Give a heads-up before changes. “Five more minutes on the swings, then we’re going home.”
- Offer simple choices. Instead of “Do you want to put your coat on?”, try “Do you want the red coat or the blue one?” Choices give toddlers a sense of control.
- Catch them being good. Specific praise, like “Thank you for putting your shoes on by yourself,” encourages the behavior you want to see more of.
- Pick your battles. Decide which rules really matter (like safety) and be flexible about the rest.
- Be consistent. When rules and routines are the same from day to day, toddlers push back less.
- Keep errands short, and involve your child, for example by letting them help find things in the supermarket.
What to do during a tantrum
1. Keep everyone safe
Your first job is safety. Move your child away from anything that could hurt them, or move breakable things out of reach. If they’re about to run into the street, hold on to them firmly.
2. Stay calm
This is the hardest part. Shouting back or losing your temper won’t end the tantrum and usually makes it worse. Take a few slow, deep breaths. If you feel yourself losing control, it’s OK to make sure your child is safe and step away for a moment, or hand over to another adult.
3. Try distraction early
If you catch a tantrum just as it starts, distraction often works: point out something out the window, move to another room, offer a different toy or start a song.
4. Name the feeling
Once your child is starting to calm down, put their feelings into words: “You’re really angry that we had to leave the park.” Accept the feeling, but set a limit on the behavior. The CDC suggests a simple approach: it’s OK to feel angry, but it’s not OK to throw toys.
5. Don’t give in
If a tantrum starts because you said no, stick to your decision. Giving in, or offering treats to stop the crying, teaches your child that tantrums get results, and you’ll likely see more of them.
6. Give them space, or a hug
Some children need space to calm down. Stay close and let them know you’re there. Others are more upset than angry and calm down faster with a cuddle or being held. Ask first (“Would you like a hug?”) if your child is old enough to answer.
7. Reconnect afterward
When it’s over, move on. Don’t keep going back over it. A hug, a calm word and getting back to your day show your child that you love them, even when they lose control.
Tantrums in public
Tantrums in a supermarket or on a bus can feel mortifying, but most parents who see you have been there. The same rules apply: keep your child safe, stay calm and don’t give in. If you can, move to a quieter spot until they settle. Short trips and avoiding times when your child is tired or hungry help a lot.
Hitting, biting and kicking
Hitting and biting are common in toddlers, but they shouldn’t be ignored. Stop the behavior straight away, calmly and firmly. Never hit or bite back. Once your child is calm, talk about their feelings and give them better ways to let off steam, like running around in the park or stamping their feet.
What about time-outs?
A short time-out can help a child calm down and learn that certain behavior has consequences. The AAP suggests a rule of thumb of about 1 minute per year of age. For toddlers, keep time-outs short.
- Give a clear warning first: “If you throw the blocks again, you’ll have a time-out.”
- Follow through every time if the behavior continues.
- Use a quiet, boring spot with no attention or toys.
- Afterward, briefly explain why, then go back to playing together.
Avoid spanking, yelling and shaming. The AAP and CDC both advise against them. They don’t work in the long run and can increase aggression and harm your child’s mental health and self-esteem.
Look after yourself too
Dealing with tantrums day after day is tiring. Make sure you get breaks, share the load with a partner or family where you can, and remind yourself that this is a phase. In the UK, the free Family Lives helpline is available on 0808 800 2222.
When to talk to your doctor
Most tantrums are a normal part of growing up. Talk to your pediatrician, GP or health visitor if:
- you’re worried about how often your child has tantrums or how intense they are
- your child often hurts themselves or other people during tantrums
- tantrums aren’t becoming less frequent as your child gets older and talks more
- you’re worried about your child’s speech, hearing or development (see our guide to child development milestones)
- you’re finding it hard to cope
Sources
- HealthyChildren.org (American Academy of Pediatrics): Top Tips for Surviving Tantrums
- HealthyChildren.org (AAP): What’s the Best Way to Discipline My Child?
- NHS: Temper tantrums
- CDC: Emotion Coaching
- CDC: Responding to Behavior
- CDC: Connecting and Communicating
Last updated: November 13, 2026
